Help Teens See Their Own Special Talents, Potential

Teens thrive if they have the right self-image. As a parent, you'll want to help your teen be self-confident without becoming self-centered.

John Gray, a best selling author who writes about relationships, offers some tips for ways to do this.

• Don't compare your teen with others. Everyone is good at something. Don't ignore the songs your teen writes in his room because you're wishing he was out on the football field.
• Apologize to your teen when you are wrong. This lets him/her know that it's okay for adults (or anyone) to make mistakes. They should do their best to correct them, and then move on.
• Encourage your teen to strive for goals, but cope with setbacks.

Gray says girls often need support to go after what they want. Boys are more likely to go for their goals, he says. But they feel beaten if they don't succeed on the first try. Listen and support them. Offer advice only if they ask for it.

Try Waking Your Teen Up to Some Fast-Paced Music

Forget nagging to get your teen out of bed. Let her favorite band do the work. Encourage your teen to wake up to a fast-paced tune. Listening to music allows many teens to clear their heads. That's just what they need in the mornings.

Limit the music to the stereo or radio, however. No MTV. Television will distract your teen.

When Your Decision is Final, Don't Argue With Your Teen

Now that your teen is in high school, you may be able to compromise on many things. Curfews, clothing and after-school jobs may be among them.

But there may still be other things upon which you will never reach agreement. These may include coed slumber parties, serving alcohol to teens in your home or attending an all-night dance not sponsored by a school or youth group.

In cases like this, it's best not to argue with your teen. State your answer. Give the reasons for your answer. Then gently announce that the subject is closed.

If your teen continues to argue, let him/her know that you understand her feelings. But as a parent and an adult, you must disagree.

If your teen still won't drop the subject, it's time to walk away and allow him/her to cool off.

Remember, this tactic is only for those times when you know you won't change your mind. On other occasions, you and your teen may be able to work something out.

But when your teen wants something that is dangerous or violates the values in your family, arguing about it is pointless.

Let Your Child See That You Value Learning

Parents often tell children how important school is. But sometimes kids dismiss what we say.

This happens when we don't "practice what we preach." We say we value learning... but we don't show it.

When children can see we value learning, they want to learn, too. You show you value learning when you:

• Stop whatever else you may be doing and talk with children about what they're doing in school, what they like best, etc.
• Read to your children and ask them about their reading.
• Discuss ideas, the news and other things you learn.
• Share opinions on social and political change.
• Wonder out loud about scientific and other discoveries.
• Research the answers to questions that come up.
• Play educational games like Monopoly and chess with your children.
• Take pleasure in a hobby.
• Help children be involved in hobbies and creative projects.
• Continue to learn yourself. You read books and go to the library. You watch educational TV programs and attend school programs for parents.

Encourage Your Child to Practice Mental Calculations

Many children have trouble with math homework. One reason is they need more practice adding and subtracting in their heads.

To help them practice adding, make a game of it. Get your child to add strings of numbers.

1. Start with single-digit numbers (1,9,8). Give your child four numbers, one at a time. This gives her time to add after each number.
2. When she can do this, give four double-digit numbers (22, 10, 11), one at a time.
3. Next, give four numbers, all at once.
4. Progress to giving five, six and more numbers.