Getting into a power struggle with an elementary-school child is hardly ever a battle you can win.

One way some parents bypass those power struggles is by giving their child choices. No one likes to be ordered around all the time. When a child feels she has some say over what she does, she's less likely to get into a power struggle.

Here are some tips on giving children choices and avoiding power struggles:

* Be sure all the choices are things you can live with. If you're not prepared to go out for a fast-food lunch, don't give it as one of the choices.

* Make sure the choices are acceptable to your child. "You can take out the trash or you can clean out the basement."

* If some things aren't open to choice, make that clear. "You can do your homework now or after dinner. Of course, the rule is still that there's no TV until homework is done."

* Once your child makes a choice, accept it with good grace.

* Realize that it isn't your job to make sure your child is happy all the time. Kids don't always want to do their homework. They don't always want to take out the trash.

Giving your child more choices may keep you out of power struggles. But your child still has to do the homework sometime.

Curious kids learn more. They ask questions. "I wonder why," they may say. Then they'll look in the library or on the Internet to find the answer.

You can encourage your child's curiosity. Here are some tips and some activities to get you started.

Give your child examples of questions that have no right or wrong answer. Ask, "What's the best food to eat? What is your favorite book?"

Then talk about the fact that some questions don't have just one right answer. Tell your child it's good to use his imagination, ideas and opinions to answer those questions.

If you are asking an open-ended question, be careful how you give praise. Saying, "Great idea" gets your child back into thinking there's only one answer. Instead, praise your child's thought process. "I liked the way you used your imagination to answer that."

Here are some activities to get you started:

* Use marshmallows and toothpicks to create a sculpture. Then think about other foods that could be used to create a sculpture. What foods wouldn't work?

* Ask questions that compare two things. How are a sweater and a blanket alike? How are they different? How is getting dressed like wrapping a gift? How is it different?

* Think about "what if". What would happen if cars suddenly disappeared? How else could people get from place to place?

Kids get teased. They have best friends who don't want to be friends any more. They get accused of doing things they didn't do. Or someone wants them to do something they shouldn't.

Conflicts such as these are inevitable. But conflict isn't all bad. Some is needed to express true feelings and solve problems.

It's important that you show your child positive and appropriate ways to handle conflicts that come up.

You can also:

* Spend special time together. Experts say 20 minutes of positive adult attention a day greatly reduces children's aggressive behavior.

* Use positive discipline. Yelling or using physical punishment teaches kids that force is a way to solve problems.

* Teach your child how to get "good" attention. Some times kids pick a fight to get attention. Help them learn better ways to express their needs.

It's best to praise them when they do right. Don't just pay attention when they do wrong.

* Show your child how to recognize other's feelings. Comment when someone is happy, sad, worried, etc.

* Listen before giving advice. Acknowledge your child's feelings about a conflict. Then help him find a solution.

The studies are clear. Children whose parents are involved in their education do better in school.

But what, really, should you do? What's important?

The following is not a comprehensive list. But it's what a random group of teachers said when asked what they wish parents would do:

* Make sure your child gets a good night's sleep. Kids process a lot of information during the day. But what happens at night, while they sleep, can be just as important to their developing brains.

* Stop in at school - even if it's just for a few minutes. This tells your child school is important to you. Plus it gives you a chance to know firsthand what's happening in class.

* Talk to the teacher if you have concerns. Remember that whatever your child says about school or the teacher is filtered through a child's eyes. He might not understand the whole picture.

* Make sure your child comes to school on time. Even in kindergarten, missing the first few minutes of class isn't good. Once the day's routine has started, it's hard for a child to catch up. Walking in late also disrupts the rest of the class.

* Try to attend in-class events. Class parties and presentations are very important to children. If you can't make it, ask the teacher if your child can invite another adult to come instead.

* Go over your child's school work. Spend 15 minutes every week or so going through your child's backpack or notebook. Talk about what's there.

* Tell the teacher what you know. Knowing your child's interests, strengths and problems helps the teacher help your child. Teachers also need to know changes at home that might affect your child's attitude, like a new baby or divorce.

Yes, practice does make perfect. But how do you get your child to practice without nagging and hounding?

Whether it's practicing music or multiplication tables, doing these things can help:

* Schedule the practice period. See what works best - before school, right after school or right after dinner.

* Set a specific practice time. Twenty minutes daily practice is good for children under age nine. Older kids can practice for 30 minutes.

* Get involved. Review practice material. Listen without interrupting as your child practices. Ask how it's going.

* Be encouraging. Praise effort as well as accomplishment. Point out progress.

* Use discipline. Enforce your agreed-upon schedule and practice period.

* Avoid negative criticism. Don't punish your child for not doing well. Extra help and support may be needed.

* Provide models. Expose your child to people who use and excel at the skill your child is learning.

* Honor practice time. Make sure it's free from distractions.

 

Risky Behavior Topic of Survey

The New York State Education Department recently published a summary of the 1999 Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS). The survey included the responses of 3,312 sutdents in grades 9-12 in 97 public high schools in New York State/New York City. Aggregate results for the state were reported as well as separate breakdowns for NYC vs "rest of the state".

Titled "In Their Own Words", the report covers the following areas of teen health: (1) behaviors that result in intentional and unintentional injuries; (2) tobacco use; (3) alcohol and other drug use; (4) sexual behaviors that result in HIV infection, other STD's and unintended pregnancies; (5) dietary behaviors and (6) physical activity. These behaviors were selected because they either contirbute to the most common causes of death among people ages 5-24 or they are precursors to life-long health difficulties.

A significant finding that seems to cross the entire spectrum of teen health-risk behavior is that...."what students understand, know and believe is not necessarily reflected in what they do".

A note from each of the areas of the survey follows:

1. 83% of students who rode a bicycle during the previous 12 months never or rarely wore a helmet. (Unintentional Injuries)

2. 18% seriously considered attempting suicide; 14% made a plan; and 8% acutally attempted suicide one or more times during the past twelve months. (Intentional Injuries)

3. 32% smoked cigarettes on one or more of the past 30 days. (Tobacco Use)

4. 29% had five drinks of alcohol in a row on one or more of the past 30 days. (Alcohol and Other Drug Use)

5. 91% were taught about AIDS or HIV infection in school. (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)

6. 71% excercised or participated in sports activities for at least 20 minutes that made then sweat or breath hard on three or more of the past seven days. (Dietary Behaviors and Physical Activity)

There is some overall concern about youth health-risk behaviors reaching students in early grades in school. And the information from the survey is utilized in the development of health education curricula that are relevant and timely. Health and drug educators across the state continue to work to find ways to bridge the gap between knowldge and behavior.

For more information about the '99 YRBS, contact George DeHaas, ADAPEP counselor for the District (655-1325) or phone the Coordinated School Health Center at the OCM BOCES (433-1533). Copies of the survey results are available from the Publications Sales Desk, Room 309 Education Building, Albany, NY 12234.